Dharma Curious (he/him)

Story time!

I had a grey tabby named Lucy. She was a wiz at sneaking out, and I would frequently get calls from neighbors and friends telling me she’d been spotted, and to come get her from under their house or out of their doghouse or whatever.

Got a call one day, “hey, man, Lucy’s over here, I tried to get her for you, but she’s acting all mean”

I went and got her, and sure as shit, she’s being just hateful. She’s normally sweet, but it’s super hot outside, and the yard she was in had a dog and it might have freaked her out. So I take her home, and she hides. Over the next three days whenever she comes out of hiding she alternates between being my sweet little baby Lucy, to being the spawn of an ancient demon bent on the destruction of mankind (and their upholstery). Hissing, scratching, biting… Just weird and crazy.

After about 3 days, I’m sitting in my mom’s room and she’s laying there in my lap, being so sweet. I’m telling my mom I think we need to take her to the vet because of the mood swings. We’re actively calling to make the appointment for her when Lucy walks into the room and starts trying to shred the blankets.

Lucy walked into the room.

Lucy was laying in my lap.

What the actual fuck.

I had straight up kidnapped someone’s cat.

I was going to ask if she was a Cornish Rex or a desert lynx! She’s so pretty!

The obvious answer is to invite over the biggest, burliest bear you can imagine, get him to befriend your dad and make your dad think you’ve finally made a “real man” friend, and then fuck the bear in the ass in front of dad. Assert dominance. Are you a faggot? Absolutely. Faggots can dominate the manliest of men.